Image via Paco Panama/Instagram
Steven Louis is a member of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association.
Gratuitous 2025 Resolution: five sets of 100 frowns a day, scowl intervals and skulk training
Welcome back, valued Rap-Up readers! Itās a new year, a new us, and weāre going to get in the best shape of our lives. How, you ask? Los Angeles by Portlandās Illmac will explain.
āIt takes more muscles to frown, now Iām gettinā bigā is a banger of a hook, but donāt mistake catchiness for frivolity. This is important ā if we adopt this thinking, we can become the strongest and healthiest readership in the game. Comrades, we can build tone and muscle off finding Travis Scott insufferable. We can lose weight while languishing under private equity and rotting sulfur.
Chase Mooreās beat walks its writer down like a patient southpaw, creating something of a rose-colored funhouse for us to wander through. Illmacās sick ā pet allergies, or, hair of the dog ā but heās blowing his 64-cent royalty check as soon as he bounces back. Is that monthly charge an overdraft or a subscription? Is that dandelion wisps or designer ashes?
āFrownā is clever and eminently approachable. Itās ankle weight music for whatever banalities the next 12 months bring.
Gratuitous 2025 Resolution: if the frown routine doesnāt work, try Paco Panamaās crack diet
This is what it wouldāve sounded like if Phil Jackson gave Shaquille OāNeal a kilo and a burner phone, instead of Siddhartha and Devean George.
D.C.ās Paco Panama makes upside-down empty hallway joints. The opener to his latest full-length (very full, at 32 songs and 81 minutes) is both sedative and eerie. Itās cold nostalgia for the growling of old fiends, the snapping of rubber bands, the whirring of the old Rolls Royce.
Coltcaineās production fashions closed loops in glowing shades of gray. Paco will thank him profusely in his Peopleās Choice Awards opening monologue. The Southside Birdman has never seen you nor I in the field, and he doesnāt sound insulted or even disappointed ā just mildly unamused by all the amateurism surrounding him. Even as Pacoās flow feels a half-step behind the beat, the delivery is full, thorough and complete. āPaintmanā is the sound of birds flying south for the winter.
Gratuitous 2025 Resolution: stop scrolling Instagram when off the drugs
Sad has been one of Los Angelesā most reliable rappers of the post-Pandemic Era, and last quarterās 1937 South Corning St. felt like a coronating moment ā billboards around the city, a single about eating lobster, etc. He dropped the deluxe to tip off 2025, and āHeard the Rumorsā feels like the instant standout of the new tracks. āIf the police take me out this bā-, itād be a cold march,ā he cracks, conjuring an abolitionist rally with seal-crackers in Moncler puffers.
In my opinion, rap criticism is far too eager to lend words like āconfessionalā or ācandidā to music thatās either Rod Wave macabre or NLE Choppa horny. Big Sad isnāt wailing into the upper register, and heās not name-dropping opps. Quite the opposite ā he prays for Lil Rabb and Tiny Strange, and laments the fact that his homieās phone is now state evidence. Mike Made the 808s produces with Victorian brushstrokes.
After a particularly disrespectful exchange across Instagram last year, Big Sad officially clears the air:
āAināt no beef with Ralfy, aināt no beef with the Stinc Team / reacted to some comments, said some things that I aināt mean / really I get moody off the Percs and when I drink lean / they wanna discredit the Ruler, he did some great things.ā
Itās commendable, if not a bit humorous. And itās the hardest kind of straightforwardness ā no explosive revelation or dramatic reveal, just a man reconciling with mundane imperfections.
Gratuitous 2025 Resolution: appreciate every new Thugger drop
This is largely replacement-level Atlanta rap for NBA arenas and TNT interstitials. Get your sync credits, Wheezy. I do appreciate Baby saying he has OCD. A collabo with Howie Mandel would go a long way in destigmatization. Future also lights up the FreeBandz Bingo Board ā check off ābean,ā āsyrup,ā ācodeine,ā āCelineā and āprincess cut.ā
Why are we here? For Young Thug, of course. After emerging from the longest criminal trial in Georgiaās history, our protagonist laughs about how he didnāt actually feel locked up, āfor real for real.ā He jumps from the penitentiary to the matte black Cullinan, and swears off American women for the foreseeable future. āPocket full of grandparentsā is an incredible way to talk about having money. Weāre so very back.
Gratuitous 2025 Resolution: attend more banquets
No one does more with minor key saxophone runs than Dupri, one of LAās best and most ambitious beatmakers of the last half-decade. Lil Bro PushazInk has a Dougie flow and a kinetic energy between the bass thumps. He raps about black-tie casino payouts and shaking butts that makes the Richter Scale jump, while showing a heartened sympathy for American immigrants. āGot some habits I aināt proud of so I gotta change āem.ā New Year, new us, Bro.