Image via the gates of Nation Basketball Association hell.
Abe Beame knew the Nets were pretenders all along.
Of all the cultural shifts weāve seen in the last 15 years, thereās a chance the ascent and eventual primacy of the Kardashianās is the most stunning and important story that explains where mainstream American culture has gone. Theyāre an easy group to mock, but take them lightly at your own peril. They have a fluency and understanding of what America thinks and wants without rival āĀ one dating back to the late aughts when Kim Kardashian became famous for sex tape she made with Brandyās little brother. Back then, her family was viewedĀ as attention-starved strivers trying to book a seat on the C-List freak show margins of the reality television industrial complex.
Of the many savvy cultural reads that the Kardashians made, one of the most important that they were some of the first to recognize professional basketball players as a new class of young American royalty. As the economics of the league took off, along with the salary cap, NBA athletes went from merely rich, to ultra-wealthy. Not to mention they were young, cool, fashionable, and among the most gifted athletes on Earth. No longer were basketball players sturdy, God-fearing family men w married to their college sweethearts; they were some of the most eligible bachelors on Earth. The Kardashians helped them make that transition.
But much like the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant Softball Team, a trend began to emerge as each hooping love interest of the Kardashian and Jenner family (and whatever Scott Dissick is) had some tragedy befall them. And so the Kardashian Curse was born.Ā Ā
There are no stats to correlate Travis Scottās relationship with Kylie Jenner and the tragic events that occurred at 2021ās Astroworld Fest ā or Kanyeās relationship with Kim Kardashian and literally almost every second since that ended. But with the NBA athletes (nearly all of whom were active in the league when their respective relationships began), we have a decent sample size of measurable, empirical on-court performance that can either āproveā or ādisproveā the curseās existence. Itās also a varied subject pool. The Kardashian selection of athletes very much mirrors their ascent in culture: they began dating benchwarmers, veterans and role players like Kris Humphries and Rashad McCants, and slowly rose to the upper echelons of the league with stars like Ben Simmons and James Harden.Ā
Of course, the Kardashian Curse isnāt real. In fact, when diving into the stats and specific case histories, exploring the ācurseā reveals more about us, and our relationship with celebrity than it does about them. But in evaluating the effect these relationships had on the performance of these players, we can at least attempt to consider a new 21st century metric, one that could actually prove invaluable to teams considering prospects or free agents: How does the athlete, the organization, and the media around them deal with a sudden, unprecedented level of attention on their personal lives?Ā
Lashing accountability for this fluctuation in performance to the women these men are romantically linked to is a depressingly old playbook that you can trace back in America to Mamie Van Doren and Bo Belinsky, but itās always been a part of cultural discourse. You can even go back to the Bible and Greek mythology to read puerile misogynistic stories about a woman who gloms onto a strong man and drains him of his essence. The intent here is not to uphold the mythology, but to challenge it.Ā
Itās a difficult concept to qualify, not unlike a playerās clutch performance in crunch time. You can imagine a future in which a team like my beloved Yankees, who have a somewhat tragic history of bringing in talent that has performed incredibly in smaller markets, only to crumble in New Yorkās highly scrutinized and pressurized environment, says āNo Thanksā to an elite prospect because his numbers slipped during the few months he dated a random former Disney Channel starlet.Ā
And so this growing subject pool gives us the opportunity to consider the tabloidization of the modern athlete. Itās an opportunity to consider, as the player travels from the edge of a box score to the front pages of the supermarket trades, who is doing amazing, sweetie?
(Apologies to DeAngelo Russell, Kyle Kuzma, and Chandler Parsons. You werenāt included here because the rumors of you dating Kendall Jenner were shaky and couldnāt be confirmed. In the case of Parsons and Jenner, I didnāt feel comfortable writing about it.)
Rashad McCants ā Khloe (August 2008 ā January 2009)Ā
The former Tar Heel star and 2005 NCAA champion has the distinction of being the Kardashianās first foray into the league. McCants also makes for a fairly easy subject for our study because he played in the NBA for four years, and his relationship with Khloe essentially played out over the course of the 2008-2009 season ā his final in the league. McCants was a bouncy, undersized two guard, the type that doesnāt really exist anymore but once had a place in a different league. You could see an idealized journeyman version of his career that stretches over a decade and features him as a gun for hire bench microwave type.Ā
But it wasnāt in the cards. McCants was always perceived as a headcase, making early and completely justifiable criticisms of the NCAA. He struggled with injuries and an unpleasant on-court demeanor in the wake of the great early-aughts Timberwolves team built around Kevin Garnett, Sam Cassell and Latrell Sprewell.
After the KG trade, McCants was thrust into a larger role on a rebuilding team and had his best season in his third year where he started occasionally and averaged 14.9 points per game in 26.9 minutes. To attempt to put this into perspective, I compared Rashadās third year to the third year of arguably the best sixth man who ever lived, and itās not really fair and thereās a million caveats and nits to pick, but consider:
Iām obviously not advocating the idea that in a different world Rashad McCants couldāve been Jamal Crawford for a multiple of physical and temperament-related reasons, but itās also fair to assume that someone who was demonstrably more effective than that player wouldnāt be out of the league in a year. But thatās what happened to Rashad ā arguably because his love life took a turn going into the 2008 season.Ā
Introduced in the Fall of 2008 by friend Reggie Bush (who dated Kim Kardashian after Ray J), the relationship played out through the end of the year, dissolving in early 2009 because Khloe alleged, on an episode of Kourtney & Khloe Take Miami, that they hacked McCantsā voicemail and discovered he was cheating (McCants claimed it was an event staged for the show. It was allegedly filmed, he says, after they separated and they didnāt have his number.)
McCants regrets the relationship and claims itās the reason why he didnāt become a $60-70 million dollar player. The statement feels like an easy buck-passing excuse, but there is an interesting element to consider. The end of the aughts was a fascinating period in the league. The 3-point revolution hadnāt yet occurred, it was the last gasp of David Sternās authoritarian rule ā as it was for the old school paternalistic coaches who largely treated their players as employees.Ā
The NBA athlete wasnāt quite celebrified yet, and the Kardashianās werenāt full-blown celebrities ā more sweaty paparazzi hunters clinging to the lowest rung of American celebrity. My vague and anecdotal recollection of the relationship was with the carnivalesque amusement and horror I associated previously with Dennis Rodman and Madonna. This kind of tabloid shit just wasnāt something an NBA athlete would be associated with. So thereās at least a possibility that McCants, nowhere near the talent or personality of a Rodman, made himself a spectacle and distraction, cast himself from the perspective or grouchy old white men like then Wolves President Kevin McHale, as ānot serious about basketball.ā
Off-court issues aside, McCants saw minor drops in nearly every significant category in year four, both during his relationship to Khloe and after. Fearing the Timberwolves didnāt want to commit to re-signing him, he requested a trade and got one to the Kings, In over 34 games in Minnesota, most of which was in a relationship with Khloe, McCants saw drops in PER, True Shooting, Free Throw Rate, Turnover Rate, Win Shares, and VORP. The numbers tell the story of a player in a crucial contract year who lost focus.Ā
After that season, McCants would never play another game in the league.
Lamar Odom ā Khloe (September 2009 ā 2013)
Iāll tread lightly with this one, not just because New York City legend Lamar Odom was one of my favorite players in the aughts, but because weāre dealing with addiction and real tragedy here. Chalking it up to some tabloid invention doesnāt seem fair or responsible.
Lamar Odomās arrival announced a future of tall, position-less, unimaginably skilled players. He was successful basically everywhere he went in his career, regularly logging gaudy, balanced stat lines as he guarded five positions. But trouble followed him as well. He had a traumatic childhood scarred by untimely deaths. He blew a shot at being drafted #1 by the Bulls and ended up a Clipper, then bounced to the Heat where he learned what it meant to work hard and execute via Heat Culture, then was packaged to the Lakers in the Shaq trade where he finally realized his potential.
Lamar and Khloe met at a party for Ron Artest in Hollywood at the end of 2009. Three weeks later, theyād be married in a ceremony at Irving Azoffās place. In 2010-2011 he won 6th Man of the Year and the Lakers lost to the eventual champion Mavericks.Ā
That offseason the Lakers included Lamar in one of the most bizarre incidents of the last 20 years in the league, a failed trade with the then New Orleans Hornets that was overturned by David Stern. Itās the incident Odom points to as the beginning of the end. He requested a trade, and Lakers GM Mitch Kupchak immediately sent him to Dallas.
Things fell apart quickly for Lamar. He was a disappointment on a badly fumbled post-championship roster. Odom lost a cousin tragically during the lockout and understandably canceled an extended offseason workout regimen. His issues with substances began to spiral out of control and he was released.
Consistency was a problem in Dallas, but it wasnāt the only problem. The next season, just two removed from being Sixth Man of the Year, he played all 82 games for the Clippers but was a shadow of himself. His three point % dropped from 38 to 25 to 20. His per-36 was a nightmare and his shooting percentages dropped across the board.Ā
The reality show Khloe & Lamar ran on the E! Network between 2011-2012 during the abbreviated Dallas season. Khloe filed for divorce in 2013, the last season of Lamarās career. The persistent rumors of drug abuse and infidelity probably had more to do with the decision than his on-court performance. The paperwork on the divorce hadnāt been finalized in 2015 when Lamar had his infamous health scare at the Love Ranch, a Las Vegas brothel, and Khloe suspended the divorce so she could make medical decisions on his behalf as he lay in a coma. She stayed by his side for four days.Ā
Khloe is the tragic hero of the Kardashian family. Iād argue sheās the person more responsible than anyone for the Kardashianās dalliances in the league. Iād also argue sheās the most genuine, supporting, and wronged in the relationships sheās had with NBA athletes. And yet, when you look at the history, she has more to do with the perception that fate punishes the Kardashian love interests than any of her sisters.
Kris Humphries ā Kim (October 2010 ā October 2011)
Itās easy to reduce the narrative of the brief Humphries/Kardashian union to an American tragedy about celebrity, manipulation, and heartbreak, because thatās essentially what it was: A Gatsby-like relationship between an earnest, lantern-jawed, simian-browed Power Forward from Minnesota and the rich, glamorous society girl who ran with a fast, rotten crowd. Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries were engaged in May 2011, married in August on an E! special titled Kimās Fairytale Wedding, and divorced 72 days later.Ā
Humphries was a high school and college star, drafted by Utah with the 14th pick in 2004. At least culturally, it was a good landing place for him. He was a traditional ass-and-elbows post bruiser, a slightly up-skilled garbage man in the tradition of Adam Keefe or a poor manās Paul Millsap. The type of player thatās essentially been left behind by the league, but may have had more interesting plans for Humphries had he emerged today. He found the Jazz and Jerry Sloan at the exact wrong time in a loaded front court with Carlos Boozer, AK-47, Mehmet Okur, and Jarron Collins, and ended up in Toronto.
He soon bounced to New Jersey and finally got some real burn. By 2010, Humphries established himself as a double-double machine. During the 2011-2012 season, he was introduced to Kim by Jordan Farmar. That year Humphries had his greatest season ā with a starting slot and sure-handed efficiency, he averaged nearly 14 and 11 on 48% shooting on a terrible Nets team. The next season at Barclays, Humphries lost his minutes and was an afterthought, possibly due to the increased focus and attention by the media and fans after his relationship failure.
The divorce dragged out in court and somehow wasnāt resolved until 2013. In the interim, Humphries kicked around the league with lackluster stints in Boston, Washington, Phoenix, and Atlanta. He never touched double figures again. In 2019, Humphries wrote this harrowing Players Tribune piece about his experience as a celebrity husband and his regrets ā what it provides more than anything about these early Kardashian relationships is context.Ā
Now that the Kardashians are mono-name superstar celebrities and the lines between ātraditionalā fame and ārealityā fame have been erased, itās easy to forget that the family and everyone associated with them were once seen as bottom-feeders. Humphries discussed the boos that he would receive from bloodthirsty crowds, and itās a reminder of how puritanical and callous the culture could be ā and how novel a situation like Humphriesā was only a decade ago. The least exceptional player on the court inadvertently made himself a huge distraction. 2016-2017 was his last in the league. When you look at his Basketball Reference page, the most glaring stat for year-to-year were the minutes. After 2012, he never really got another opportunity.Ā
Kim has publicly apologized for how she treated Humphries and admitted she never wanted to go through with the marriage. She attempted to reach out to him multiple times in the aftermath, and saw Humphries just once after their separation. That was in 2015 when she already had one of Kanyeās kids and was pregnant with another. He wouldnāt even say hello.Ā
According to possible background internet bullshit, Humphries is now a real estate agent, developer and has money in a number of fast food franchises. But Iāve also heard that he lives where he grew up, on a lake in Minnesota. On clear and quiet summer evenings, he can be seen by neighbors at the end of the dock behind his home, reaching across the lake with his arms outstretched towards a green light flashing in the distance.
James Harden ā Khloe (June 2015 ā February 2016)
Between the summer of 2015 and the All-Star break in 2016, in one of the strangest chapters in the lives of both members of this couple, James Harden traded (what I imagine was) a long line of Houston strippers named after desserts for a tabloid relationship with Khloe.Ā
Itās probably the weirdest season in the middle of Hardenās peak run with the Rockets. In 2014-2015 he notched the first of what would be three second place MVP finishes (winning once, in 2017-2018), In a five year stretch, there was only one season Harden didnāt finish second or win MVP.
In 2016, the Rockets stumbled to a .500 record coming off a miracle Western Conference Finals run the year prior (think āThe Josh Smith Gameā against the Clippers, which weāll return to later), good for eighth in the West. They were blown out in a Round 1 gentlemenās sweep to the 73-9 Warriors. The machinations behind the scenes were even stranger.Ā
It was a transitional year, the end of the Dwight/Harden battery in Houston, as Harden demanded throughout the season, but had to wait until the offseason for Dwight to abscond to Atlanta. In a bizarre turn of events, Kevin McHale was fired just six weeks into the season. It was allegedly Hardenās doing, as he began to flex his muscle as de facto president of the franchise, a role heād play for years while GM Darryl Morey did his best to appease his star.Ā
You can step back and paint a picture: Harden enters his diva era with full control of his team, at the peak of his on court powers, and enters into this celebrity relationship with Khloe. As one might expect, it didnāt go well.Ā
Khloeās account of the relationship is that Harden pressed for a monogamous, long-distance relationship (while she offered something less committal,) then proceeded to be unfaithful. Harden claims he resented the media scrutiny that came with dating a reality television star and professional celebrity, which either strikes me as disingenuous or means Harden is the most oblivious human being on Earth ā two equally feasible scenarios.Ā
Harden now describes that season as the worst of his career, and heās not far off. Looking at 15-16 in the context of his peak, the counting stats are more or less static but the advanced numbers are damning. He hit his lows in PER, VORP, True Shooting, and came close in Win Shares. He set an NBA record for turnovers in a season with 374 (a record heād break the next year by nearly 100 more, still most all-time). Heās attempted to tie some of these issues to the relationship with Khloe. The record suggests he consult a mirror.
Jordan Clarkson ā Kendall (March 2016 ā July 2016)
Kendall has the sharpest eye when it comes to scouting talent of all the Kardashian/Jenner sisters. There are some biological reasons for this as sheās over 10 years younger than both Khloe and Kim, and therefore can draft players still in their primes without eliciting an āick.ā Rashad McCants didnāt have a tenth of Devin Bookerās prodigious talent.Ā
During Kobeās final season in 2016, she started her journey through the game modestly with Jordan Clarkson, then a sophomore bench scorer on the LakersĀ For a few brief months, they became concert buddies.
Kendall may prove to be the member of the family that debunks this silly and arbitrary curse as Clarkson has had one of the most bulletproof role player journeys through the league. Heās been to the Finals with LeBron and was awarded Sixth Man of the Year in 2021. Heās currently in his peak, averaging 20 points per game for an overachieving Utah team.Ā
Kendall and Clarksonās relationship seemed like more of a low-key fling, where he ultimately said āNo thanksā due to a familiar refrain: the athlete, valuing his privacy, didnāt appreciate how public the relationship was, uninterested in being a character in the tabloid news cycle that is the Kardashian lifeblood. Kendall was frequently linked to other men.Ā Ā
I took a shot at looking at Clarksonās numbers through the relationship, which would cover the final month of the season on a very bad Lakers team, but it was the same erratic variance that characterized much of his season, with some scoreless 30 minute 0 point nights, followed by 12 point nights, followed by 26 point nights. What Clarkson represents is the modern era of the Kardashians in the NBA, where they had been a constant presence as a sideshow for nearly a decade, and as a result, dating one largely became normalized.
Tristan Thompson ā Khloe (August 2016 ā 2023)
Yet another bleak chapter in Khloeās journey through life and the NBA.Ā Her most recent and longest ālastingā relationship was to former Cavs glass-cleaning roll man and LeBron commission check Tristan Thompson.Ā
Of the many things that anyone who does their homework will come away admiring Khloe for is her taste in the game. While Kendall seems drawn to the young, hyped, talented, bright and shiny players, Khloeās taste is more esoteric, and perhaps even more refined. āShe knows ballā. With the exception of Harden, she seems drawn to selfless players who donāt need plays run for them to cook, who contribute to team success just outside of the spotlight, much like Khloe herself.
Unfortunately, Thompsonās selfless on-court nature had little to do with his performance as a partner. Going into the 2016 season, their relationship began conspicuously, as Thompson was awaiting a child with his then partner, social media influencer/Instagram model Jordan Craig. From there, itās been fruit from a poisonous tree, with multiple infidelity scandals, including conceiving a child with another woman in December 2021, which led to a separation. But now thereās a possible reunion.Ā
The numbers tell their own story. Thompson began dating Khloe in the immediate aftermath of the Cavs miracle victory over the Warriors in 2016. After being criticized as a shortsighted cash grab by āGM LeBronā, he was the backbone of the Cavs muscular defense against the smaller Warriors in those Finals and was a plus/minus monster, including an incredible +32 in Game 6 (and his deal was eventually seen as one of the best contracts in the league, post cap spike). The next three years in wine and gold were productive for Thompson, with his offense coming and going, but his rebounding is what continued to make him an asset to the Cavs. He had a Rodman-esque nose for boards, able to get position on larger 5s and bully smaller wings as he established position, averaging a double double towards the end of his (and LeBronās) tenure in Cleveland.
The wheels really begin to fall off during Covid. The LeBron-less Cavs didnāt make the bubble and the next season in Boston, Thompsonās numbers collapsed. He was miscast in a modern offense that thought it could work around his offensive deficiencies and lean on his physical defense and rebounding, but it couldnāt. Part of the issue was Thompsonās game became anachronistic, replaced by monsters like Mitch Robinson and Robert Williams III, who have his same innate instincts plus freak athleticism and size.Ā
There were rumors he was a bad culture fit in Boston, and was unceremoniously shipped to Sacramento. Last season he bounced between Indiana and Chicago unspectacularly, and is currently unsigned with no real prospects at 31. Seems to be less a case of The Kardashian Curse than the curse of the self.
Blake Griffin ā Kendall (September 2017- March 2018)
Kendallās first ārealā NBA relationship, and her first relationship that could potentially contend as an argument in favor of āThe Curseā. A year after her relationship with Jordan Clarkson fizzled out, Kendall was spotted around LA with Blake Griffin. Griffin was a former number one pick, an explosive athlete who had matured into a polished and dangerous focal point for the Clippers offense during their Lob City period in perennial contention, built around the nucleus of Griffin, Chris Paul and DeAndre Jordan.Ā
Despite a history of serious injury issues, the Clippers signed Griffin to a max extension at five years, $175 million. The narrative at the time was the Clippers had celebrated their franchise player by throwing the bag at last, establishing the kind of continuity and respect great organizations need to build history. In retrospect, it was a craven and pretty grotesque effort not to lose an asset.
Two months after securing generational wealth, Griffin called off his impending marriage to his longtime partner and the mother of his children, Brynn Cameron (a former USC basketball player who also had a child with Matt Leinart) to begin his relationship with Kendall. Just two months later, Griffin suffered a sprained knee that put him on the shelf for a month. Then in early February, Stan Van Gundy, coach and president of operations for the Pistons, made a panic trade in a vain attempt to save his job, sending a host of assets to the Clippers for Griffin.Ā
By March of 2018, the relationship with Kendall was over, as was Griffinās tenure in the league as a bankable superstar. He later faced a lawsuit from Brynn Cameron suing him for $258,000 a month. Kendall was named in the suit as the reason Griffin called off their marriage. They ran into each other a few months later at Kendallās sister and Travis Scottās partner Kylie Jennerās birthday party. Kendall was there with her then new boyfriend Ben Simmons. They ignored Blake completely and it was allegedly super awkward.Ā
It went so fast, that factoring in the injury, there are barely any real numbers to crunch here. You can look at the Griffin case and make a decent argument that Griffinās own dumb decision-making, plus his body breaking down, neither of which is anyone elseās fault, was the architect of his demise. But the immediacy and severity of Blakeās fall could perhaps cause a less rational person to look at this and say it was 100% the product of a supernatural curse.
Ben Simmons ā Kendall (June 2018 ā February 2020)
At the end of 2018, Ben Simmons was capping a campaign that netted him Rookie of the Year and was the source of tremendous excitement in Philadelphia and the whole league. He had realized his long awaited #1 pick promise as a seven-foot, elite playmaking point guard who was also a Defensive Player of the Year level talent. Then he began his relationship with Kendall Jenner. The couple split two years later, right before a once-in-a-century pandemic descended on the world. Months later, a bad playoff series in the bubble changed the trajectory of the Philadelphia 76ers franchise, Ben Simmonsā career, and probably his entire life.Ā
A few things have to be taken into consideration when we talk about Ben Simmons and his unprecedented year away from basketball. For starters, in terms of the actual time he spent with Kendall, his on court career maintained its promise of stat stuffing excellence across columns. Simmons was logging points/rebounds/steals/assists splits at historic levels. In 2018-2019 in particular, the single season he was in a relationship with her from beginning to end, Simmons showed incremental improvements across his game, logging his highest point per game average. Had Kawhiās miracle buzzer beater rimmed out in Game 7 of the eventual championship-winning Raptors gauntlet semifinal series, we might be having a wildly different conversation right now.Ā
So there isnāt much in the numbers, besides looking at his historic disappearing act down the stretch in the Sixers seven game semifinals choke job against an overachieving Atlanta team that suggests Simmons has ever seen any sort of decline in his game due to the Kardashian Curse.Ā
But we all know what happened next: following that Atlanta series and a few uncharitable comments from coach Doc Rivers and co-star Joel Embiid, Ben Simmons first demanded a trade, then claimed mental health concerns prevented him from suiting up for the team after signing a max extension for $170 million in 2019. The Kyrie vaccine situation rubbed James Harden, now a Brooklyn Net, the wrong way, which created an opportunity for Simmons to end his season-long staring contest with Daryl Morey and the Sixers. For the first time in NBA history, two Kardashian exes were traded for each other.Ā
The relationship between Bendallā¢ seemed strained from the beginning, as it started when Simmons allegedly cheated on his then girlfriend, R&B genius Tinashe. Whether itās true or not, they began dating immediately afterwards. Simmons has had several short stint relationships with fitness influencers (it seems like thereās a āfitness influencerā in almost every athlete who eventually dates a Kardashianās past. Who are these people? How many āfitness influencersā are there and why the near perfect circle overlap between basketball players who are into them and Kardashians?) When they were together, there was a lot of on again off again, as Ben was based out of notorious east coast backwater Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and Kendall is a jetsetter, model, reality star and reps a tequila brand that comes in a bottle shaped like the number 8. There was the occasional rumor of cheating, but generally it has the tinge of a āLetās hang out when weāre on the same coastā sort of arrangement.Ā Ā
To blame any of Benās circumstances on Kendall is to ignore the red flags and blaring sirens that have surrounded Simmons since before he entered the league. At LSU, he exhibited the exact same reluctance to push himself, and specifically a reluctance to shoot, that would haunt his pro career. This season heās finally returned to the court for Brooklyn and even shown some flashes of what he once was, but nothing more. On a team tailor made for him, heās attempted 10 or more FG attempts twice, and can go weeks without attempting a single free throw.Ā
Itās hard to assign blame to Kendall or the greater Kardashian collective. Another theory is the culprit is actually āThe Hinkie Process Curseā, which came first, and between Simmons and the similar and equally unprecedented shooting woes of an impossible second #1 pick bust Marquelle Fultz, represents the darkest and most powerful curse that the NBA has ever seen. So maybe itās one curse trumping another, or maybe the dueling Kardashian/Hinkie curses formed a complex symbiote curse tetrahedron that collapsed on itself then exploded in a curse supernova which took Simmons, and the 76ers down with it. I will personally take this matter to curse arbitration and Iāll be back with a final decision in several months.
Devin Booker ā Kendall (April 2020 ā October 2022)
Kendall rebounded from her relationship with Ben Simmons in only two months, moving from the Eastern Conference, closer to home in LA with Phoenix Suns star Devin Booker.Ā
This is once again a scenario where, if thereās any correlation worth drawing between off court romance and on court performance, Kendall seemed to bolster the career of a young star. The relationship was kindled at the very outset of the pandemic, which I still donāt fully understand, with a quarantine road trip to Sedona, Arizona. The relationship was full of flirtatious IG comments, posted stories, dates to family functions, and meals at expensive shitty restaurants for rich and famous people. Iāll say with the exception of Khloeās marriages, off pure projection alone, this feels like the most ārealā relationship covered in this investigation. Purely off speculative social media breadcrumbs, the pair seemed to have a real bond and affection for one another.Ā
Leading up to that season, Devin Booker was perceived as an immensely talented empty calories scorer, a bucket getter who can do everything on the court but win. But when the league resumed in the bubble at the end of that Summer, presumably spent at least partially with Kendall, Book led a suddenly feisty young, coherent Suns squad to an undefeated record and just nearly missed a playoff berth.Ā
The next season Chris Paul brought his late career Michael Clayton act to Phoenix, and under his tutelage, the star backcourt reached the Finals and even jumped out to a 2-0 lead (Kendall was courtside for Game 1) before Giannis and jacked the series and the ring. The next year, the Suns were a regular season juggernaut and the odds on favorites to win it all before they ran into a hellbent Luka and Jalen Brunson, who beat them to death and did what may wind up being irreparable damage to this nucleus in one of the most bizarre (and possibly Covid influenced) Game 7s in playoff history.Ā
Whatās interesting about Book is how consistent the numbers have remained as the Sunsā fortunes improved around him. Almost every major stat, advanced or otherwise, has been static, with marginal defensive increases, offset by some natural decreases in playmaking as Paul significantly lightened his offensive load. But the eye test is something else. Thereās a bite to him since the Bubble, a nastiness that has replaced the aloof detachment that characterized the first four seasons of his career. In other words, GMs: If you have a young talented star playing able but unmotivated ball on a middling team, might I suggest a road trip with Kendall Jenner to get him over the hump?
Chris Paul* ā Kim (2014 ā September 2021)
So letās start with the concept that I donāt believe much of what has come out of Kanye Westās mouth the past few months. I think the most important, the most insightful bar of his entire career was his claim that: āIād be worried if they said nothingā on āFather Stretch My Hands (Part 1)ā, heās addicted to attention, and has lost the ability to differentiate good from bad. So much of what heās put out there the last few months seemed designed to provoke outrage and conversation, and to his credit, was successful in that endeavor. But once again, in the interest of scientific rigor, letās not leave out what could be a critical entrant in our study.
On December 1st, 2022, on a day in which Kanye spewed vitriol so foul Alex Jones felt the need to jump in and correct the record, and a day that got him banned from Elon Muskās Twitter, Kanyeās final act was setting the internet on fire with a claim in a somewhat cryptic tweet, that he ācaughtā his wife with Chris Paul. Itās not the first time West has leveled this accusation against what appears to be an innocent bystander. Heās done the same, publicly, with Meek Mill, which he later retracted and apologized for. The day after this tweet went viral, Page Six published the account of an anonymous insider rebuking the accusation and claiming this is a pattern for West, using Kim and her supposed infidelity as a shield when he gets himself in hot water for saying crazy shit.Ā
The only known direct photographic evidence weāve ever had between Chris Paul and Kim came at an event in 2010, pre Kanye, and it was actually Paulās mild mannered insurance salesman persona, Cliff Paul, but there is one strange and disturbing item that we didnāt even understand at the time, that would seem to support Kanyeās accusation. This Picture was Tweeted by Drake in the rollout for Certified Loverboy in September of 2021. At the time, the jerseys seemed like a reference to the third, or 9/3, the date the album dropped. In retrospect, with Drake embroiled in a vicious beef with Kanye, the message comes off as something entirely different.Ā
No other party directly involved in this alleged situation has ever gone on record to discuss the matter. Perhaps they felt they didnāt need to, with the author of the plotās recent insanity serving as the perfect cover to let the accusation fade away, as it largely has. But, as a treat, since much of this piece has been research and stat crunching, letās engage in a bit of speculative fiction, and live in a world where this has not only happened, but one in which the Kardashian Curse is a very real phenomena that has direct and immediate effects on the party involved with said Kardashian. Using Chris Paulās playoff history, beginning with Kanyeās marriage to Kim and ending with the posting of Drakeās picture sometime around the Certified Loverboy rollout in September of 2021, Iāll irresponsibly surmise when this alleged transgression may have occurred.Ā
I want to make it clear that I consider Chris Paul one of my favorite players of all time, and if you look at his numbers beyond the playoff series losses, heās always been good to great in the multiple blown series heās played parts in, certainly more a question of bad luck than anything heās specifically done. But in the name of science:
July 10th, 2021 ā Night before Game 3 of the Suns/Bucks NBA Finals:
With the Suns in their current state of both on and off court disarray, thereās a chance weāll look back at July 10th, just weeks before CLB dropped, as the closest Chris Paul would ever come to a ring. Could it also have been the night Chris Paul risked it all because Kim happened to be in Wisconsin for some reason?
September 1st, 2020 ā Night before Game 7 of Thunder/Rockets Western Conference First Round:Ā
Chris Paul had a golden opportunity to exact vengeance against James Harden, the teammate who so hated being held accountable for lapses and bad decisions, as well as playing with someone maniacally focused on winning, he had him shipped out of Houston, to what was supposed to be his retirement home in OKC. Instead, Paul delivered one of his finest seasons, wrangling a three guard backcourt of SGA and Dennis Schroder and willing them to an unlikely playoff bid. The Thunder were pesky, stealing three games from the sleepwalking Rockets, and were on the verge of shocking the world in Game 7. But after coming out and making a bold and pointed statement about the importance of handling pressure and delivering in the clutch, Paul completely folded in the final two minutes with several uncharacteristic mistakes. Could his mind have been on the night before, perhaps on a takeout order from Turkey Leg Hut for two, enjoyed in a nearby hotel?
May 9th, 2019 ā The Night before Game 6 of the Rockets/Warriors Western Conference Semifinals:Ā
In all likelihood, the second best chance Paul ever had if winning a ring wouldāve been this season, when the Warriors lost Kevin Durant for the season in Game 5 of their second round series with the Rockets. When Durant went down, Houston finally had their shot, with a weak Portland team waiting in the Western Conference Finals, and the eventual champion, but very beatable Raptors with Kawhi after that. Instead, they couldnāt even force a Game 7, with some seeing it as a possible last ride for an aging Paul. Maybe he saw the writing on the wall, and threw caution to the wind the night before the big showdown with the most infamous Kardashian.
May 14th, 2015 ā Break between the Third and Fourth Quarter of Clippers/Rockets Western Conference Semifinal Game 6:
Itās 2015 in Obamaās America, Blake Griffin is still a star, and the Clippers are dangerously close to shutting the door on the Rockets. In fact, at one point late in the third theyāre up by 19, and they go into the fourth up 13. Chris is on the bench relaxing, when from behind the bench, an acquaintance from LA bends over and whispers in his ear that heās urgently wanted for a brief but necessary moment back in the locker room, and to come aloneā¦
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